Former wildland firefighter Kelly Ramsey says most people want to run the other way when they see a column of smoke. All she wanted to do, however, was run toward it.
That feeling compelled Ramsey to join the “special forces” of wildland firefighters, known as the Hotshots, to battle some of the West Coast’s largest fires.
In her new memoir, Wildfire Days: A Woman, a Hotshot Crew, and the Burning American West, Ramsey details two years of fighting blazes in the backcountry of California. Between 2020 and 2021, she and her fellow Rowdy River Hotshots fought Califorina’s fastest-moving and largest fires, including the state’s first gigafire, when more than 1 million acres burned.
Former wildland firefighter Kelly Ramsey writes about destruction, change, rebirth, and feelings of helplessness in her new memoir. Photo courtesy of Scribner.
Ramsey says this job was one of the hardest things she’s ever done. She underwent months of intensive training, like hiking straight up the mountains in Northern California with 70 extra pounds on her back. That training extended into the classroom, where she learned to use weather patterns to predict how a fire may behave.
Yet she says one of the most difficult aspects was trying to earn the respect of her younger and male-dominated crew.
“It took a while for me to get up to speed, despite all that off-season training,” Ramsey says. “As the only woman my first year, I really wanted them to respect me as a competent crew member and an equal.”
The former Hotshot writes about battling imposter syndrome, as well as the logistical challenges that come with being the only woman on a crew. Despite their differences, Ramsey says the physical demands of the job bonded her with the crew.
“The suffering creates a bond between you because you’ve had this 16-hour shift, you’ve been sweating through your clothes, your hands are raw and calloused, but you’re going through it together,” she says. “You’ve all lived through something possibly dangerous or harrowing or something ridiculous and draining. But at the end of the day, you share that struggle, and you share relief from it. The camaraderie is like nothing else I’ve ever known. It truly feels tribal.”
Ramsey also discusses how her childhood shaped her adult life, personal mistakes, and sacrifices as a Hotshot. The role also took a toll on her mental health.
She also writes about the mental toll it can take.
“You watch these forests burn, and a lot of us are environmentalists and people who love the outdoors. We got into the job because we care about the planet, so to watch it burn is very painful,” Ramsey recalls. “You see communities burn. Sometimes you see people's houses be lost, and you see animals die. You see a lot of really horrible things, and you're risking your own life.”
READ: Firefighters are starting to process trauma from Palisades and Eaton Fires
Ramsey says that leaves a lot of wildland firefighters with depression or post-traumatic stress syndrome. But due to their status as seasonal employees, many lose their health insurance when they’re not on the job.
“There’s just rampant mental health problems and a really, really high rate of death by suicide among wildland firefighters,” Ramsey explains. “It’s a crisis.”
She continues, “They're without the crew. They're without the structure of work. Suddenly they're back home, and they're maybe struggling with depression or something else,” she says. “And at that moment, they don't have health care to get help.”
A solution? Ramsey suggests year-round health care, as well as more organized mental health programs in a peer-supported setting.